Father for Real

I want to look more pregnant

I want to elaborate on this more later, but there is an interesting phenomenon that has occurred from the moment my wife started to get a baby bump until now. And that is that she is constantly wondering whether her belly looks big enough, the bigger the better. Possible causes? Doesn’t want others to think she’s just putting on some pounds, or maybe it’s something chemical that changes during pregnancy?

you down with OPP?

Excuse the Naughty by Nature reference. I’m talking about Other Parent’s Products! And I’m wondering, what’s the etiquette surrounding other parents offering to give you their old baby products? Cribs, car seats, strollers, play toys…I’ve already been offered a lot of things, and I know if I accept it all we’ll have a house full of crap in no time.

So specifically, I’m wondering, what’s the best way to say, “I’ll take your baby product, if it doesn’t suck.”?

Did you call her girl parts a hamburger?

We had our second chance at finding out our baby’s gender yesterday. As the doc was looking around on the ultrasound, she began explaining what she was seeing. She said she was pretty sure it’s a girl, as girl parts show up as three lines, which she pointed out. She then said “we call it the hamburger.”

Under most circumstances I like creative names for private parts, and I totally get the patty surrounded by buns analogy. But seriously? You just called my unborn baby’s vagina a hamburger!

Are you concerned with her weight gain?

For a while there, the wife and I were getting worried if she wasn’t gaining enough weight. So when we went in for our last visit (a month ago or so) and the doc was reading through her stats, I chimed in and asked “Are you concerned with her weight gain?”

I should mention that the doc is a chick. Well it was clear that she didn’t like my question as she got very defensive (of my wife) and said “Well she’s pretty small…she’s barely put on any weight!” I immediately realized that she thought I was calling my wife fat. When in fact I was worried about the opposite. I of course tried to explain this, but I get the feeling that she didn’t believe me. I imagine her telling her friends about the asshole husband who called his small pregnant wife fat during an appointment.

"It" you shall remain

So we had the much anticipated 19 week ultrasound where we were hoping to find out the gender. I think on some level I wanted to know just so I’d have an answer for all the people asking (note to self, think of something unique to ask the next pregnant person I talk to, like “is your belly button an innie or an outie?” followed by “can I poke it?” but maybe that’s not as much unique as it is just weird/creepy)

Of course I was excited to find out because I could stop calling baby an it, and start thinking of it as a little boy or girl. Whatever my motivation, we weren’t able to see between the little it’s legs. Definitely a little disappointing, but really I’m just super happy to know it’s doing just fine.

I miss my drinking buddy

Not that it’s a big deal, but I totally miss enjoying a cold beer after work with my wife. It’s just not the same when she can’t have one.

What's next?

Currently everyone asks my wife and I “Are you gonna find out the sex?” Once we know that, what will the next question be?

Life owes us one

In a lot of ways I’m scared shitless of what life after baby is going to be like. The crying, the lack of sleep, money, etc. But I have a philosophy, that things in life tend to even themselves out. And the way I look at it, we’ve gotten a bit of a raw deal with our dog. Don’t get me wrong, I Iove him, but he’s a pain in the ass. Very stubborn, always pulling on his walks, barking a lot. So, the way I see it, life owes us a very well-behaved baby. A little “thanks for putting up with your crazy dog.”

The Deli Debate

If you’re pregnant or have been around someone who’s pregnant there’s a good chance you know about all the food restrictions. By far the biggest pain in the ass is the no deli meat rule. Most docs tell you to avoid it completely, some say to heat it up in the microwave, and my wife’s doc actually told her that it’s fine to eat deli meat as long is it’s not from a sketchy source (not sure what that means, maybe finding it underneath your couch?).

Whatever the case may be, it seems safest to avoid it. But I just can’t seem to stop suggesting it to my wife as a lunch option. I’m somewhat forgetful, so it’s partly that, but I think on a deeper level I’m just pushing her buttons? Not without being provoked of course.

This morning she was mad because she couldn’t find anything to wear, then she was mad because the cat wouldn’t stop meowing, then she was mad because she couldn’t find anything for lunch. So I suggested a deli sandwich. Wrong move. She ripped me a new one. But we kissed and made up 2 minutes later. That’s the beauty of pregnancy emotions, they’re quick to come and quick to leave. And an easy scapegoat.

Kids all over agan

The first few months my wife didn’t want to eat anything. And now she has the taste buds of a 12 year old. Our days are capped with cereal and ice cream. And sometimes they’re filled with those in the middle as well. I’m not complaining.